Life questions.

Have you ever wondered about life, or searched for some kind of purpose and came up wanting? Do you have questions that aren’t getting answered?

This link is a good place to start: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CGcQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffiles.tyndale.com%2Fthpdata%2FFirstChapters%2F978-1-4143-2627-6.pdf&ei=LtvKT—RD-WA6QHcmbj1Dw&usg=AFQjCNFNWftBDqDGF3KEKfzgWeWzPHsIgQ&sig2=Tz2GeohIAN_XvJ8utLHK_w

Does God exist?

You’re eventually going to have to answer that question. Does He, objectively, exist? He can’t just exist for some people— can’t just be in their minds, or something that “works for them.” If that’s true, than God doesn’t exist at all; He is just a figment of peoples’ imaginations, a crutch to make them feel good.

If you’ve convinced yourself God doesn’t exist, how do you know for sure He doesn’t? If God doesn’t exist, why are you having these questions, these longings? Why do you hope, deep down inside, that there is something more? Or fervently hope there isn’t, and fear that there is? Why do you know that there is injustice in the world, that when someone murders 6 million people, it’s wrong? Or why do people rejoice when the “good guys” win?

Nobody really talks openly about these questions in our society today. I think most people are afraid to admit that they have doubts. Doubting is a scary thing. We exalt surety, scientific knowledge, certainty, the eventual human ability to know everything. So when we encounter a question we can’t answer, we freeze.

But inside, almost everyone is wondering just the same things that you do.

You’re not alone that way.

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.

This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.” -John 3:16-21, the Message

Source: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+3&version=MSG

But how can I know God is real? And what’s more, how can I know that God is who Christians say He is, and not Buddha or Allah or Apollo or Zeus? How can I know that God is Jesus Christ? If you’re really wondering, check this out: http://www.angelfire.com/sc3/myredeemer/Evidencep17.html

And please, message me. I’m not trying to “push my religion”; I desperately want to help you find truth, and I’m here to listen.

The other day, I was driving home from work in the rain on unfamiliar roads and I started panicking. Mostly, those panicked thoughts happen when I’m driving. I start getting afraid that I’ll pass out and wreck and kill myself or get badly injured or hurt someone else, because I know I can make myself pass out if I’m too afraid. The problem is that’s a vicious cycle. It’s a lie I tell myself, and sometimes I believe it.

Then I started derealizing, and I desperately wanted to pull over, to quit. But I knew if I did, if I let the fears win, I would never be able to get back on that road.

So I prayed, and God brought this verse back to my memory:

“I sought the Lord, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.”

That’s Psalm 34:4-5. Over and over again that verse played in my head. I leaned forward and started to say it out loud. As I did, I relaxed visibly. Even though I was tired and hungry, I was able to calm myself. I kept on quoting Scriptures I had been memorizing, and I began to feel supernatural peace and joy overwhelm me.

And I made it home.

Now, each time I drive that road will be a little bit easier. I know I can do it, have done it, and will do it again. I am Christ’s daughter, and I’m in His hands. And there, I am perfectly safe. I am not going to leave this world or fall into any harm until it’s His time, and I trust that He has many, many more things to do with me first.

If you’re experiencing derealization, and you have nothing to trust, it’s terrifying. But Christ offers hope, a way out. He loves you; He desires and longs to call you His own. Without Him, there’s no way for you to have peace; you are separated from Him by your sin. But Christ came and sacrificed His own life for you so that you don’t have to be afraid any more. He has come that you may have life, and that more abundantly. He has come to set you free, that you might be free indeed.

If you want that freedom, ask Him to come into your life right now. Confess that you’re afraid, that you’ve turned away from Him and rejected Him and that you’ve sinned. Ask Him to save you from this dark pit you’re in.

And He will. There is hope.

I know.

brave.

this is a blog about a journey from fear to faith, from panic to peace, from terror to trust.

i am a Christian who struggles with derealization and panic attacks, after a traumatic incident that occurred when i was 13. it’s been years later, and there’s nothing for me to be afraid of, but the fear remains. and sometimes, it takes over my life.

i look back ashamed at what the fear has made me. the moments pulled over in the emergency lane on the freeway, shaking, eyes closed, willing it to stop. the hasty exits from crowded rooms, sometimes in the middle of a conversation. even, sometimes, the inability to go down aisles in grocery stores.

it’s stupid, i tell myself over and over again. it’s all in your head.

i believe that derealization, at least in my life, is a symptom of spiritual attack. it comes at all the wrong moments, the moments that jeopardize my witness or render me incapable of listening to someone else’s needs. it also comes whenever i try to reach out for help (which i have).

my closest friends (and those unfortunate enough to witness an episode) know that i struggle with this, but most people never guess. they will never know that something as simple as my daily commute becomes a mental battle, me versus the fear in my head telling me to turn around, to pull over, to quit.

well, i’m not a quitter.

i have refused to let derealization, my response to the things i’m afraid of, control my life. i refuse now. the fears are only real if i yield to them.

i am a daughter of Christ, and fear will not rule in my life. Christ is my center, my ruler, and there is no room for anything or anyone else to have mastery over me.

that’s what this blog is about. the things that make me feel brave, the ways i fight this fear inside me. the verses that encourage me in my struggle… and hopefully encourage you. life is beautiful, my friends.

fear robs life of its beauty, and i. will. not. be. robbed.

by the power of Christ in me, i choose joy.